OK “Sling God” @briann. Your sneaky progress up Jurassic Pork has been noted by more than one player.

Nothing personal @jrsquonk. You just happened to be at the top of the list. You may have lost BI but I think you can sleep easy over Jurassic Pork. That is an incredible record.

Dispatched Squonk now. BI is mine all mine (cackles despotically while stroking Twiggy). Need to have a look at Flock Favourites next. Anything to take my mind of losing all those Classics trophies.

Hello @ixan57. Woken up in time for your Bank Holiday I see. It is indeed a funny old game but there are some folk who sure know how to suck all the fun out of it. Strap yourself in.

The trend continues. As fast as I lose Classics trophies, I am picking up other trophies. I just hope nobody feels an urge to go to Bird Island. Nothing to see there! I am on a mission to overtake @jrsquonk and claim top spot for the episode. Just over 1000 points to go but this is a tough cookie. 31-8 is a mystery. I am 13000 points down and like…[Read more]

Infantino has asked me to not worry about stuff and chill out. In the same way that Brian Moore’s head resembled the London Planetarium (Dickie Davies Eyes, Half Man Half Biscuit), his head satisfyingly resembles the top of the World Cup trophy. Maybe they will parade his head triumphantly around the stadium after the final. I for one, would feel…[Read more]

Maybe all the other referees should go on strike in support of their Somalian colleague.

This is disgusting beyond measure. Many should be hanging their head in shame. FIFA have been trumpeting about how they have been so involved and invested in Africa. Well the US authorities have truly told them where to stick it. Simple FIFA, revoke that…[Read more]

15th June. Scottish Bank Holiday for the World Cup? Humph. Wales never got one when they qualified for the World Cup last time round. Not too late to backdate it Keir. Oh, apparently it is, the elections have already happened.

I’m doing my best. It’s hard work. The low-hanging fruit seems to have all been gobbled up. I’m now halfway up a wonky ladder reaching into thin air.

Following the post-play interviews I can confirm that the England opening partnership is indeed Ducky and Gay.